Why dream of driving a new car. Why do you dream of driving a car?
There are different situations in life, both good and bad. The first date and parting with a loved one: for some, years pass between these events, and for others, a couple of months. How to survive a breakup with your loved one? And how to break off this relationship correctly, so that it does not hurt both parties too much?
One day we meet a new person, a complete stranger. Gradually we get used to it, we begin to live the same life with it. We understand each other, it’s as if we speak the same language. But then, something happens. We start quarreling, we stop understanding each other. And at some point one of us decides to break up.
Of course, there are people who manage to break up with a person simply and painlessly. They remain on friendly terms with ex-husbands or wives, boyfriends or girlfriends. They meet and even become friends with new families. But there are only a few such people. Everyone else experiences stress during separation and breakup. And they feel nothing but pain and negativity towards their exes and the process of separation. Some people go so far as to physically assault and demonstrate their emotions to all their neighbors. For others, separation turns into real circles of hell: when one of the former partners constantly thinks about the other, writes to him, comes to the entrance and hopes to return everything to normal. What brings him real suffering is the thought that the other has long forgotten about him, has moved on with another partner and is living happily.
Indeed, the pace of accepting a breakup varies from person to person: someone starts a new relationship within a couple of days, while someone cannot overcome the breakup for many decades and remains on their own, in the hope of returning what is no longer possible.
Who is it right to break up with a loved one?
Let's look at why people behave so differently during a breakup. To do this, you need to turn to system-vector psychology, which very clearly gives an idea of the psychological aspects of breaking up with a partner.
Below you will find a description of how different people break off relationships, and why it happens to them this way and not otherwise. And also recommendations on what needs to be done to make the breakup as smooth and painless as possible.
My wife left - what should I do? My husband left - what should I do?
People with an anal vector experience the most painful breakup of relationships. By the nature of their psyche, their thoughts are constantly turned to the past. A picture from the past in their minds often looks more vivid and attractive than the evidence of today. Being realized in society, having a good job and family comfort, this look back into the past is not so strongly felt. But in case of stress, such as separation from loved ones, in their minds the picture from the past looks more vivid than what is happening today. And that means that the past life together was charming, although in fact everything could have been the other way around long ago.
Their second distinguishing feature is their tendency towards monogamy. In the understanding of an anal person, an ideal relationship is “once and for all.” In fact, any changes in this regard cause stress for them. Therefore, people with an anal vector rarely break off relationships on their own. Even if the relationship itself no longer brings them joy or happiness.
For people with an anal vector, a break in a relationship with a partner is always a tragedy that can develop into a stupor that lasts years of life. Resentment towards a partner, towards life, towards the situation itself, even towards oneself does not allow such a person to move on, to continue living. Therefore, very often they are stuck in old relationships and they continue to pester their ex with constant calls or personal attempts to sort out the situation, and also try to return everything back to a happy past. Of course, sometimes everything really ends with a new wedding, but it happens that the former partner has already forgotten about his past life, created a new family, perhaps even had children. Then such harassment from the ex turns into repeated horror, ending in showdowns and even contacting law enforcement agencies.
If you have to break off a relationship with an anal person, you need to give him the opportunity to speak out and bring the conversation to an end. You shouldn’t interrupt him or let him finish his thought. It is better that the anal person has the last word. If a personal enemy is not needed, then it is best to sincerely ask him for forgiveness for everything that happened. And for what didn't happen.
If an anal person finds himself in a situation where he is abandoned, he is truly sorry. The resentment that rises inside him cannot go away on its own, just like the memory of the past. The best way to cope with it is to take a free lecture on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan on the anal vector, where all types of resentment and the possibility of getting out of the stupor are accurately and simply worked out.
I'm leaving and won't come back!
People with the skin vector, unlike the previous category, love change. For them, the monotony and monotony of family life with one person is a painful and difficult test. Such people very often start an affair on the side in order to relieve at least a little tension.
People with the skin vector in any pair are the first to break. They easily part with their loved one and quickly find a new partner. They easily forget both people and the reasons for the breakup. They do not accumulate this within themselves for years, like an anal person.
Skin people, as a rule, get partners with people with an anal vector. Despite the absolute difference in character, they are perfect for each other. But if a skinny person still decides to leave, he must understand that not all people are as quick and easy-going as he is. When breaking up with your ex-loved one, you need to be patient and show at least a little respect: this will help save a lot of nerves in the future.
Despite their frivolity, skinned people themselves are jealous. And if they do not initiate the breakup, then their reaction to the decision to break up can be sharply negative. A property owner, when he finds out that someone else has paid attention to his wife or husband, they immediately remember their “property”. Kozhnik gets over a breakup quite easily; he will never stalk you at the entrance for decades and call you from different numbers in the middle of the night. Explain everything to him logically. If your partner depends on you financially, it is important to examine this side as well.
People are not for family: there are no separations, there is only passion
People with the urethral vector are not created for family relationships. They are born for completely different purposes and it is very difficult to drag them into marriage, but it’s better not to. This applies to a greater extent to men, but urethral women are not inclined to live their whole lives with one man. You can marry yourself, but don’t expect marriage in the anal sense of the word.
People with the urethral vector live their entire lives with passion. Whatever they like, they give 100%. Therefore, when they meet a person with whom they fall in love, they do it the same way 100%. And they give their maximum in such relationships. The urethralist can have relationships with several partners, bearing equal responsibility for all. Relationships can be quite long-term; urethral polygamy should not be confused with cutaneous sexual exploitation.
Surviving a breakup with a urethral person is, as a rule, both simple and difficult at the same time. On the one hand, these are very bright people whom you can’t help but love. But on the other hand, they are not made for a family, and their partner feels this, finding himself in constant stress. However, parting with such people is much easier than with others. They are not offended, but often they continue to wait for years. Sometimes they return, but only for one night.
Parting: pain of loss or new horizons?
Of course, the reasons for separation are very simplified in this article. Firstly, the presence of upper vectors changes the picture, and often among the lower vectors modern people have several. It is important to understand the state of your vectors and the state of your partner’s vectors.
When entering into a love relationship, couples believe in the longevity of the union, but the surrounding reality sometimes makes adjustments to the family idyll, and the separation of two loving people becomes inevitable. Breaking up a relationship is an unpleasant and stressful process, so advice on how to break up with your husband painlessly will be useful to any woman who has decided to gain freedom.
Psychologists who work with people who have gone through their spouses identify several types of relationship breakdown:
- positive scenario. It occurs when the romantic feelings of both partners have faded or transformed into friendship. Two adults, accomplished people are honest with themselves, they make a joint decision to end their love relationship;
- unclosed gestalt. This scenario is characterized by the fact that both partners realize that their love relationship has outlived its usefulness, but they try in every possible way to maintain the connection for imaginary reasons;
- classic scenario. This scenario is characterized by loud scandals, manipulation of children (if any) and division of property. This method is inherent in most partings of people who once loved each other;
- negative scenario. When one of the couple members does not want to separate. He sees his significant other as property and may resort to blackmail or even threats. In such a case, a highly qualified psychotherapist can help, since the party who considers himself abandoned may pursue his ex-partner, ruin his relationships with other people and his own life, dwelling on the past;
- escape scenario. Both a woman who is tyrannized by her husband and a man who suddenly realized that he will not be happy in this family and is in a hurry to “make another woman happy” can run away.
How to prepare for a breakup
The scenario of relationships and separations is individual and largely depends on both partners. There are a number of ways to pass the test of separation with dignity and without major shocks.
Having made a difficult decision about breaking up, you should mentally rehearse the conversation. in reality, it will bear little resemblance to the rehearsed script, but this will give you self-confidence, determination and will allow you to choose the right words if the dialogue reaches a dead end.
For an important conversation, you should choose neutral territory, that is, a place that will not evoke pleasant memories for either partner.
The optimal choice is a place where neither partner has ever been and where there is little likelihood of returning.
During a dialogue about a breakup, you need to control yourself - do not break into shouting, reproaches or raised voices. The desire to hurt your partner as much as possible should also be put aside. In the heat of a quarrel, you can say too much, which you will later regret, ask for forgiveness and mentally return to the unpleasant dialogue over and over again.
You need to break up without having children together once and for all. This is the hardest part of any breakup – . You need to be ready to let your loved one go forever - without “random” meetings and visits to his page on social networks. If you can’t forget your ex-partner, you need to remember him with gratitude for the pleasant moments you experienced together, but nothing more.
When faced with the question of how to painlessly part with your lover, the first thing you need to do is throw away all romantic memories as far as possible. By protecting yourself from nostalgic thoughts, you can significantly ease the breakup with your partner.
When breaking up, there is no need to try to repeat what you saw in a movie or read in a book - it is extremely rare that separated partners are able to be friends.
What not to do when breaking up
The first and main rule of civilized termination of relations is the final break. There is no need to take a break from the relationship and try to improve your personal life behind your partner’s back - lying will only complicate the unpleasant process and cause pain to the person who will eventually be abandoned.
Having decided to break up, there is no need to stall for time for fear of offending your partner.
You should not talk about breaking up in public or with family or friends.
There is no need to blame your partner. Even if the relationship has come to an end, it is a relationship with a loved one who does not deserve humiliation and imposed feelings of guilt. In addition to accusations, you should also avoid hackneyed phrases like “it’s not about you, it’s about me” or “you deserve/deserve a better partner than me.”
After breaking up, you don’t have to constantly return your thoughts to the partner you left behind. When grievances subside, negative memories fade into the background, and pleasant moments are remembered with slight sadness. You should not succumb to nostalgia and try to bring back the past - cases of secondary positive development of relationships are rare, and a second breakup is much more painful than the first. There is no need to have a stormy “farewell night” - this is a cinematic device that is inappropriate in real life when parting.
After a breakup, you don’t need to keep your emotions to yourself - you definitely need to throw them out. To do this, you can go to the nearest forest and scream there at the top of your voice until you get tired, or lock yourself in your apartment and cry until your tears dry up.
How to survive a difficult period
Even for the initiator of separation, the end of a love or family relationship is a stress that must be fought with all one’s might so that it does not lead to depression. For an abandoned partner, it would be useful to discuss the situation with loved ones and talk it out. You can keep a diary in which you describe all your experiences. This technique helps you look at the situation from the outside and realize that parting is not the end of life, but the beginning of a new stage and a chance.
For both separated partners, any activity and hobby - sports, cooking, handicrafts - will be an excellent way to distract themselves. An alternative option is to immerse yourself in your work, which can bring good dividends.
After a breakup, you can and should pamper yourself - small joys like delicious cakes, new clothes or watching your favorite movie will provide much-needed positive emotions.
If you can’t cope with negative emotions on your own, you need to contact a psychologist who will help you accept what happened and move on.
Video on the topic
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It’s good when parting with a once loved one brings only joy and relief. But often the opposite is true: a breakup causes pain, torment and suffering. If separation is inevitable and there is no chance of improving the relationship, you should think about how to break up with your loved one painlessly.
Dot the i's
In order not to harbor false illusions, when breaking up, it is important to talk frankly to avoid understatement. It is necessary to express to each other everything that has accumulated and is sore. This way, on a subconscious level, it will be easier to accept the breakup. When choosing words to break up with a guy, you shouldn’t leave ellipses. This way you can give your partner hope to live by. This is dangerous for the state of mind, because people tend to believe in what they would like. It is better to let go of the past, clearly and clearly convey a balanced and final decision about the need to separate. There is no need to be cunning, offer to meet and discuss the situation over a cup of coffee, or brush off your partner with phrases such as “let’s talk about this later.” It’s better to say “goodbye” right away and keep meetings as short as possible, because former lovers communicate extremely rarely, only when necessary.
If the initiator is she
When a woman decides to break up with a man, this does not mean that she is free from pain and anxiety. As a rule, a breakup in any case brings negative emotions to the fair sex. If the decision is final, you should think about how to break up with your boyfriend without causing him suffering. Women often feel guilty and are tormented by doubts about whether they did the right thing. To avoid this, you need to listen to the opinions of experts.
Experts in the field of relationships between men and women recommend following these basic rules when breaking up:
When he is the initiator
How to part with your loved one if your feelings are still strong? This question is asked by many women who are faced with their lover’s desire to break off the relationship. Such a decision causes severe pain, and misunderstanding and resentment prevent one from assessing the situation soberly. First of all, you need to calm down and understand that the breakup is a fait accompli. The ability to face a problem is already a victory.
How to reduce mental pain?
Many women know how difficult it is to part with a loved one. There are ways to help ease your worries and look at the situation from the outside:
Accept and forgive
When thinking about how to break up with a man without suffering, you need to clearly understand that any memories will not bring any benefit. You need to accept the situation and understand that it's over. It is worth putting away all joint photographs and other little things that may remind you of your partner.
There is no need to exist in your own fantasy world and constantly use the word “if”. Such thoughts do not allow you to live in the present, they take you into the past and force you to relive everything again. There is no way to return anything, the decision has been made. We need to move on. If the depression is very severe and there is no strength to cope with it on your own, it is better to consult a psychoanalyst. He will definitely find a way out of the situation.
To make it easier to understand how to part with a loved one, you need to forgive him. You need to realize that he also has the right to his opinion and is free to make any decisions.
Breaking up is not the end. Parting is the beginning...
You need to leave with dignity and grace, leaving a pleasant impression. A woman should always be sure that she is beautiful, desirable and successful. A break with one man necessarily entails a meeting with another, who may become a dear and loved one. If you have come to the realization that it is time to part with your ex-lover, you need to perceive this as a temporary ailment that will soon pass. You need to think about the future only in bright colors, then happiness will not keep you waiting.
Out of sight…
You should not look for meetings with your former loved one by changing your usual routes or visiting those establishments where he usually relaxes. You need to do the opposite: completely avoid communication with him and try to erase him from your life. But you shouldn’t isolate yourself either. It is important to realize that this person is a passed stage, now it is time to move towards a wonderful future. You need to enjoy every day, find new hobbies and discover unknown facets of everyday life. Then the understanding of how to break up with a guy will come naturally.
I'm letting you go!
These words need to be repeated daily, especially in those moments when sadness and melancholy come. There is no point in trying to get your loved one back. This will not lead to anything good; it will only increase the pain and bitterness of loss. Stuck in this state, people become immersed in their illusions and hopes. Disappointment grows with every failed attempt to get your ex back, and at the same time, the chances of building a new happy life decrease.
The main enemy is obsessive thoughts
Women often worry about how to break up with a man and not suffer. The paradox is that sometimes your own thoughts hurt more than your partner’s words. A woman can drive herself to despair, thinking that now life is over, and she will never love anyone or become happy. You need to get rid of such false attitudes in the bud, otherwise it will be very difficult to overcome fear later.
How to defeat a thought?
You can get rid of one thought by replacing it with another. You can’t hide from the problem, it’s better to talk to yourself. You need to analyze the situation, evaluate the circumstances and find positive aspects in the separation. Gradually it is necessary to replace false thoughts that bring suffering with positive and correct ones. We need to acknowledge what happened, try to understand that all the changes are for the better.
Forgive yourself
If people decide to break up, they often have grievances against each other. But sometimes one partner begins to blame himself for everything. This is not always justified. No matter how the situation turns out, you need to forgive not only your ex, but also yourself. Only this position will help you fully recover and begin to live without the baggage of the past.
Time for a change
Many guys take a long time to find the answer to this question: “The girl broke up with me. What to do?" Perhaps you need to stop looking for a solution and get on with your life. Breakup is the best time for change. You can do something you didn’t have time for before, or radically change your appearance. Books about self-development and self-improvement will help you become better and achieve success. Any work on yourself brings positive emotions. And an attractive reflection in the mirror increases self-esteem.
Starting a new relationship immediately after a breakup is quite dangerous. This is due to the fact that the substitution effect is activated, which prevents a sober assessment of the partner. As a rule, the foundation of such relationships can hardly be called strong. After a breakup, you need to give yourself time to calm down and prepare to meet a worthy person. You can't allow yourself to be unhappy. It is necessary to have clear confidence that happiness exists, and new love will definitely come. Focusing on failures and suffering makes it difficult to enjoy life and enjoy the little things.
To completely and irrevocably erase the man from your life. However, saying is not doing, especially if you love.
It's hard to let go of a man who left you. And it doesn't matter why. It doesn't matter who is more to blame. After all, with his departure, part of your life, part of your soul disappears. And it begins - bitter tears, accusations of everyone and everything, “all men are goats,” etc. and so on. Stop! What are you doing? Why torment yourself like that? Will this really make you feel better? Maybe we should stop and think about how to live further.
First of all, you shouldn't persuade him to remain your friend. Don't indulge yourself with illusions. Nothing good will come of this. It always happens that if a man and a woman are friends, sooner or later one of them will want a relationship closer than just friendship. Think about whether you need an extra reminder of defeat.
Of course, it will be very difficult at first. That’s why you shouldn’t pretend to be an “iron lady” and hold back your tears. At this stage, it will be even better if you give yourself free rein and cry. Tell yourself or your most trusted friend what a bastard, bastard and ungrateful creature he is.
The second part of the “Marlezon ballet” is to convince yourself that who knows who is even luckier. And he is not at all the angel he seemed. It’s worth going over everything you had in your memory. All his words and actions, meticulously look at every little thing. Call on all your imagination to help and add non-existent ones based on your suspicions to the real facts. Believe me, after telling real stories mixed with your guesses several times, you yourself will not be able to distinguish truth from fiction. He is a deceiver, a scoundrel and generally an extremely vile type who could not appreciate your fragile and tender soul. Why regret this? Each next man will be better than the previous one. Now you remember his smell, his eyes, the warmth of his body. You are still connected to him energetically, which is why it hurts so much to let him go, which is why it seems that after his departure there is only emptiness. Get out of your head the thoughts that “he is the best,” “I will love him forever,” “I will never meet a man better than him.” They will be better and will love you more! In less than six months, you will melt with happiness in the arms of another and rejoice that you did not connect your life with a person unworthy of you. Rejoice that he himself delivered you from his presence.
At the next stage, on the way to returning you to a normal state, you need to unload your brain. The most effective and efficient way is physical activity. You need to be so busy with work that you have neither the time nor the energy to think about anything else. Imagine that you have a mania for cleanliness and you need to get rid of the slightest particle of dust in your home by any means necessary. Wash, etch, remove with the most powerful stain remover so that not a trace remains of it.
And one morning you will wake up, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “You idiot!” He doesn't know what he's lost. He will come running back like a beaten dog, tail between his legs. And what will he see? A strong, beautiful and successful woman whose heart belongs to another.
To forget your ex-man faster and more effectively, it is worth remembering one simple psychological technique called “not thinking about the white monkey.” Its meaning is that the more you tell yourself that “I won’t think about the white monkey,” the more you think about it.
In the case of men, the same principle works. Only by occupying your brain with something else can you not think about them. You'll have to remember your school years and create a strict schedule for yourself. Load yourself up so that the whole day is busy from morning until late evening. Use any means that your imagination is capable of - go shopping, meet with friends, go in for fitness if you haven’t gotten around to it.
And it will be better for you if you don’t rush and start a new relationship. Otherwise, your new admirer will be covered by a wave of your accumulated grief and anger towards the entire male race. The best thing you can do is wait a month or two and destroy all traces of him being in your house. But only without fanaticism! Why throw away the underwear in which you are simply irresistible or the new coffee maker he gave you on March 8th, which makes you happy with excellent coffee in the morning. The pain will pass, but good and useful things can still be useful.
And in general, look at the situation from the other side. The departure of a man, like dismissal from work, is a chance that fate gives you to find a better option. Get yourself an “idiotic” habit - to rejoice at your failures. And then even your greatest failure will, in a completely incomprehensible way, turn into joy.
Very little time will pass, and you yourself will laugh at your experiences and rejoice that you broke up so quickly. It may have hurt you to tear him away from your heart, but would it be better if you broke up after twenty years of marriage? Would it be better if you stayed with the children?
Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger. You were able to complete the entire rehabilitation course, you learned the psychology of relationships, you became stronger, you were able to make room in your heart for something new. And this new thing will not be slow to appear!
Unfortunately, not all of the people we meet remain in our lives. Parting with some people is especially painful for us. But it doesn’t have to be this way - everything that happens in our lives works for our good. You can learn to maintain joy in this life, regardless of whether there is someone nearby or not. Therefore, parting with a person, if it becomes necessary, can be painless. Let's see what is needed for this. So, how to break up with someone painlessly?
Prepare in advance.
It is very important to prepare in advance for the upcoming separation. If you plan to initiate a breakup, it is important to prepare yourself emotionally for it. Analyze your relationship, give yourself the opportunity to once again realize and feel the need to separate. If your relationship has exhausted itself, and you are fully aware of this, it will be much easier for you to put an end to this union. Tune in to the fact that life without this person will become easier, better and happier for you. In addition to the emotional state, you need to prepare something else.
1. Think in advance about where, when and how you will tell the person that you want to break off the relationship with him. Think about what you will say. Do not forget that your partner may be against this and will try in every possible way to convince you.
2. Make sure your decision is final and be determined to remain persistent.
3. Plan what you will say to the person, and try to make sure that this speech does not bring him pain - it is better to part ways peacefully.
Make plans.
Start dreaming and making plans for the future, without the person you are planning to break up with. Think about what you want to do and change in your life so that you can immerse yourself in this activity immediately after the breakup. When a person is busy with what interests him and what he really wants, he has no time for suffering.
Analyze the relationship and let it go.
Take some time to remember what your relationship has given you. Think about what was good, what was bad, and what experiences you were able to take away from this connection. Think about what mistakes you personally have made. Understanding will give you freedom from worries, and will also allow you to avoid making similar mistakes in the future. Thank the person for everything that happened between you and let him go. Don’t keep him in your head, thoughts, feelings - give him and yourself complete freedom. At first it may not be easy and you will have to fight for freedom of your thoughts, but over time you will get used to it.
Control your emotions.
Never let changing feelings interfere with your decisions. Suddenly, a surge of pity or nostalgia can ruin all your efforts. The only feeling worth leaving is gratitude. The rest should be taken under control and discarded. No feeling can possess us unless we allow it. If you want to break up with someone painlessly, you need to be aware of this and not allow your feelings to take you back to where you feel pain. Therefore, do not look back, rather think about new meetings, and feel the joy of anticipation of what life has in store for you in the future.
Remember that pathological attachment to people is an unhealthy form of relationship. Therefore, try to build relationships on the basis of freedom and love - unconditional, selfless, and not expecting anything in return.
