On the anniversary of the death of the deceased, his close relatives and faithful friends, thereby expressing the belief that the day of a person’s death is not a day of destruction, but of a new birth for eternal life; the day of the transition of the immortal human soul to other conditions of life, where there is no longer any place for earthly illnesses, sorrows and sighs.

There is such a purely worldly superstition - to organize a funeral feast. IN Orthodox understanding although it is possible (with food on the table corresponding to Lenten time. Fish is allowed only on the feasts of the Annunciation Holy Mother of God and the Entry of the Lord into Jerusalem ( Palm Sunday), and on Lazarus Saturday, those who are fasting can eat caviar.), but has no independent meaning. Previously, such a memorial meal was served after everyone prayed together for the deceased in church.

A funeral service involves the prayer of relatives and close people for the repose of the deceased, so that through their prayers the Lord will have mercy on him and honor him with the Kingdom of Heaven. This is precisely the main meaning of the commemoration. It is necessary to take into account that the meaning of the funeral table is to feed the poor, sick, etc., that is, the creation of alms in memory of the deceased. It’s better to remember her in Church, to stand and pray for her soul. You can also go to the cemetery.

If desired, on this day you can read an akathist about the repose of the deceased.First of all, of course, you should come to the church at the beginning of the service, submit a note with the name of the deceased for commemoration at the altar (best of all, if this is a commemoration at the proskomedia, when a piece is taken out of a special prosphora for the deceased, and then as a sign of washing away his sins will be lowered into the Chalice with the Holy Gifts). You can order a magpie or other multi-day memorial service for the deceased.

After the liturgy, a memorial service must be celebrated.The prayer will be more effective if the one commemorating on this day himself partakes of the Body and Blood of Christ.

On certain days of the year, the Church commemorates all the fathers and brothers in faith who have passed away from time to time, who have been worthy of Christian death, as well as those who were overtaken sudden death, was not given a farewell afterlife prayers of the Church.

The memorial services that take place on such days are called ecumenical, and the days themselves are called ecumenical parental Saturdays. All of them do not have a constant number, but are associated with the moving Lenten-Easter cycle.

These are the days:

1. Meat Saturday- eight days before the start of Lent, on the eve of the Last Judgment Week.

2. Parents' Saturdays- in the second, third and fourth weeks of Lent.

3. Trinity parent's Saturday - on the eve of the Holy Trinity, on the ninth day after the Ascension.

On the eve of each of these days, special funeral all-night vigils are served in churches - parastases, and after the liturgy there are ecumenical memorial services.

In addition to these general church days, the Russian Orthodox Church has established some more, namely:

4. Radonitsa- Easter commemoration of the departed, occurs in the second week after Easter, on Tuesday.

5. Dimitrievskaya Parents' Saturday- a day of special commemoration of killed soldiers, originally established in memory of the Battle of Kulikovo, and later became a day of prayer for everyone Orthodox warriors and military leaders. It happens on the Saturday preceding the eighth of November - the day of remembrance of the Great Martyr Demetrius of Thessalonica.

In addition to these days of general church commemoration, every deceased Orthodox Christian should be commemorated annually on his birthday, death, and name day. On memorable days, it is very useful to donate to the church, give alms to the poor with a request to pray for the departed.

Prayer for a deceased Christian

Remember, O Lord our God, in the faith and hope of the eternal life of Your departed servant, our brother (name), and as Good and Lover of mankind, forgiving sins and consuming untruths, weaken, forsake and forgive all his voluntary and involuntary sins, deliver him eternal torment and fire of Gehenna, and grant him the communion and enjoyment of Your eternal good things, prepared for those who love You: even if you sin, do not depart from You, and undoubtedly in the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, Your glorified God in the Trinity, Faith, and Unity in the Trinity and the Trinity in Unity, Orthodox even until his last breath of confession. Be merciful to him, and faith, even in You instead of deeds, and with Your saints, as You give generous rest: for there is no man who will live and not sin. But You are the One besides all sin, and Your righteousness is righteousness forever, and You are the One God of mercies and generosity, and love for mankind, and to You we send glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.

There are no uniform rules on how to conduct a funeral 3 years after death; traditions in different families have their own characteristics. The custom of remembering the dead is very ancient. It originated back in the days when people worshiped ancestral and tribal spirits - the first ancestors. Then all the deceased were considered patrons and protectors of the family. Funeral rites were influenced by cultural, national and religious features different nations and generations. However, respectful attitude towards deceased relatives has survived to this day. It is still customary to remember the deceased on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day. A memorial service is then held annually on the day of the relative's death.

Who to invite to the third anniversary

It is believed that three years after death, all relatives and friends of the deceased who are close to the memory of the deceased should be invited to the funeral for the last time. In all subsequent years, the relative is commemorated in a narrow family circle. If the deceased has no relatives left, then close friends remember him.

In some families, on the third anniversary, 12 closest relatives gather at the funeral table, similar to the 12 apostles who were present at the last meal of Jesus Christ. However, the funeral tradition itself is pagan, not ecclesiastical origin. In ancient times, food and drink were left at the grave of the deceased, and lavish feasts were held at home. Relatives and friends of the deceased not only ate, but also competed in prowess, sang and danced.

The Church believes that it is best to remember the deceased in church or at home in front of icons.

At the same time, church canons do not prohibit a funeral feast and do not limit the number of guests who are invited to the funeral. Any person who cared about the deceased can remember him and honor his memory in the third year.

If guests come to funerals and fortieth anniversaries without an invitation, then on the third anniversary not everyone is welcome. The family of the deceased decides how to conduct the funeral and who to invite. The third anniversary is an event for those closest to you. At the funeral table you can gather only those you want to see. It is advisable to find out in advance who exactly can come. If an unwanted visitor comes to the funeral, the relatives have the right not to allow him to attend the funeral meal.

It is not recommended to invite too many people. The wake should not turn into a noisy party. The atmosphere at the funeral feast should be quiet and intimate. In the circle of loved ones who cherish the memory of the deceased, they have quiet conversations. It is customary to share memories of the deceased, emphasize his dignity and be sad about his death. We need to thank the deceased for all the good things he left behind. In a large company, it will be difficult for guests to hear each other.

How to organize an event

The feast can be made both at home and in a cafe. When decorating a room, the family should be guided by their tastes and preferences of the deceased. You can create an atmosphere that was dear to him by filling the room with his favorite objects. Funeral ribbons, artificial flowers and candles will indicate the memorial nature of the event.

It is necessary to select in advance an institution where such events are held.

When agreeing to rent a hall, you must inform about the nature of the event.

It is inappropriate to hold a wake in a restaurant next to noisy, partying companies. Therefore, you need to rent either the entire premises or a part of it, isolated from other visitors.

When choosing a room for a funeral, you should pay attention to the interior. You should not order a funeral for 3 years in halls decorated in a youth or festive style. It is advisable to give preference to rooms with a classic or antique interior without frills.

At a wake, quiet music can be played that does not force the interlocutors to raise their voices. It is better to use a melody that the deceased liked, choosing one suitable for the funeral event. It is appropriate to listen to songs that he performed himself after the death of a person.

To pay tribute to the deceased, a photograph of him is placed near the memorial table. The custom of putting a glass of water or vodka and a piece of bread is pagan roots. It is up to the organizers of the event to decide whether to adhere to it or not. It is not customary to condemn relatives for using certain traditions. You cannot drink water or vodka intended for the deceased, just like eating his bread. The food is taken to the cemetery and the drink is poured on the grave.

The most respectable and oldest members of the family speak first.

After the first speech, guests remember the deceased with a minute of silence. Believers can say the “Our Father” prayer at this time. Then the floor is passed on to other guests according to seniority. Young guests must wait their turn. It is advisable for each of the guests to make a speech about the deceased.

Table setting

When choosing dishes for a funeral dinner, you need to be guided by the preferences of the deceased. A mandatory element of the table is funeral kutia. It is prepared from rice, barley or wheat. Ritual porridge symbolizes the Kingdom of Heaven, into which the deceased enters after death. Also served at the wake are the first course, pies with potatoes and cabbage, pancakes, jelly or compote. The most common main course is chicken and noodle soup. However, if the deceased preferred another dish, you can prepare that too. Pies are eaten during the meal, and are also distributed to guests before they leave.

You should not order gourmet dishes, trying to surprise your guests.

This is not a holiday feast. Food should be as simple and modest as possible. Prepare mashed potatoes, sliced ​​meat, cabbage rolls, meat casserole, cutlets and 2-3 salads. Since the symbol of Christianity is fish, fish pies, aspic, fried or stewed fish are placed on the funeral table. The range of dishes should be modest.

You can put wine or vodka on the table. However, the quantity alcoholic drinks should be minimal. Guests should not be allowed to become heavily intoxicated. Portions of alcohol should be symbolic. Sweet and sparkling alcoholic drinks are not placed on the funeral table.

If the funeral took place on religious holiday or fasting, then you need to take this into account and prepare suitable dishes. During strict fasting meat dishes are replaced with mushrooms, beans, and lentils.

Before starting the meal, believers should read the 90th Psalm or “Our Father.” If there are atheists among the guests, then they should respect the feelings of believers.

The only requirement is an even number of cutlery on the table.

If the wake is held at home, then the place where the deceased most often sat is not occupied.

It is believed that the soul of the deceased is present at the wake and takes its usual place. The food left over after the meal is given to those in need.

Using knives and forks

There is a widespread belief that there should be no sharp objects (knives and forks) at funerals. Until the end of the 17th century, the fork was considered a smaller copy of the devil's fork. Many believers still believe that a demonic symbol at a wake can cause harm to the deceased in the afterlife.

Knife and fork are not used so as not to “pok into the kutya”. People believe that sharp cutlery can be used to “prick” the symbol of the Kingdom of Heaven - kutya. This will disturb the soul of the deceased and cause him pain.

The Church does not consider the use of forks and knives at funerals a sin. The decision on table setting should be made by the relatives of the deceased. However, they should listen to the opinions of other guests and take into account their beliefs.

Visit to the church and cemetery

To order a memorial during Divine Liturgy about the deceased, you must come to the temple early in the morning before the service begins. The note must indicate full name deceased. It is advisable to stay in the church until the end morning service, after which you need to take prosphora. It should be eaten at home and on an empty stomach. After visiting the temple, it is recommended to give alms. Money, cookies and candy are distributed to those in need, colleagues, neighbors and children. At the same time they ask to pray for the deceased.

If it is not possible to visit church, then you can pray at home.

They light a candle or lamp in front of the icon and turn to the Lord with a prayer for the deceased. After three years from the date of death, the following prayer is read:

- God, merciful Lord, remembering the third anniversary of the death of Your servant (name), we ask You to honor him (her) with a place in Your Kingdom, grant blessed peace and lead him into the radiance of Your glory. Lord, look mercifully on our prayers for the soul of Your servant (name), whose anniversary of death we remember. We ask You to number him (her) among the host of Your saints, grant forgiveness of sins and eternal peace. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

According to tradition, on Memorial Day you must go to the cemetery before 12 noon. It is believed that in morning hours the soul of the deceased is located at the place of his burial.

It is advisable to visit the grave in advance to put it in order.

Before the third anniversary, you need to not only clean up the area, but also plant a tree (birch, thuja, rowan, willow, viburnum or spruce), shrubs (boxwood, lilac), perennial flowers (peonies, irises) on it and erect a new fence or monument.

On the day of the third anniversary, fresh flowers are brought to the grave and a lamp is lit. In many families, it is customary to bring food and drinks to the grave. The best pieces are left at the grave along with the drink. In addition, food that remains uneaten is left at the cemetery. You cannot take anything with you. It is believed that birds and animals will come and eat food “for the sake of the soul.” Some believe that the dead are reincarnated as them when they visit their grave.

What's the best way to dress for a funeral?

Guests invited to the funeral may visit the cemetery and church with the family of the deceased. If you are planning a trip to the grave, you must wear comfortable clothes and low-heeled shoes. Be sure to take weather conditions into account. It is advisable to take warm clothes, an umbrella and a hat with you. If guests are cold or wet at the cemetery, then the wake will be a mess. When planning to go to church, women should take a scarf and a long skirt with them.

It is not necessary to wear black clothes to a wake.

You need to choose a formal suit in neutral shades without unnecessary decorations. Outfits with a neckline, short skirt, bows or ruffles are not allowed. It is inappropriate to wear open shoes, tracksuits, shorts and T-shirts, even if the weather is hot on the day of the funeral.

Is it possible to reschedule the funeral date?

Funerals 3 years after death, the traditions of which are not too complicated, also stipulate that you need to pray for the deceased on the day of his death. If it is not possible to make a commemoration on the day of the third anniversary, then you need to order a commemoration in the temple in advance and read the prayer at home.

It is better to organize memorial events after the anniversary in the coming weekend. Earlier than the day death is not recommended. It is believed that before this date the deceased was alive and enjoying life, so it is impossible to remember him.

It is necessary to postpone the funeral if the day of death coincides with the day of the week of Holy Easter or holy week Great Lent. During this period, all the thoughts of believers should be directed towards joy from the news of the resurrection of Jesus Christ or to sadness in connection with his crucifixion. It is best to arrange a commemoration on Radonitsa - the day of remembrance of the dead. Radonitsa is called Tuesday of the second week after Easter.

It is also undesirable to hold a wake if the date of death fell on Christmas Eve.

It is better to postpone the event to January 8. In this case, the wake will be dedicated to the fact of birth into eternal life.

Many people do not know whether it is necessary to hold a memorial service 3 years after the date of death. Funeral traditions are voluntary. If your family doesn’t need them, then you don’t have to adhere to them. However, a properly conducted wake helps loved ones come to terms with the separation.