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Man is a social being, and therefore it is natural for him to compete with his own kind, and from childhood. If brothers, sisters, classmates or friends are superior to him in some way, then he becomes irritated with other people's successes. Sociologists call it envy and claim that such an unsightly feeling is common to all people. Good news the fact that with age a person becomes wiser and envies less. In the meantime, let's find out how to tame the harmful feeling in ourselves and others.

To stop being jealous. First you need to figure out why envy arises. Therefore, let's first look at the common causes of envy, what causes it and what is the primary source of this feeling:

Envy comes from comparing yourself to others. On life path Every person there are always those who are stronger, smarter, richer, younger and more beautiful. If you constantly follow the lead of your innate desire to compete with everyone, you can drive yourself into a hole of depression and hatred of more successful people.
A person is especially prone to envy if in childhood his parents did not give him unconditional love, but were valued only for achievements (cleaning the room, winning the Olympics). Such a child completely lacks a sense of self-worth and the skill of accepting himself as he is. Other people's successes seem to him a threat of losing the love of others, because compared to those who have succeeded, he looks like a loser, and, therefore, unworthy of respect.
Another circumstance that fuels the fire of envy is the proximity to us of the one who has taken the lead. If we are surpassed in something not by some Instagram star, but by a dear friend, then it becomes much more painful. Only strong personalities with great self-love, they are able to sincerely rejoice for their neighbor. Otherwise, there will be frustration and fear that your friend will no longer consider you an equal and will leave your comfort zone.
Deprivation plays a significant role in the development of envy. material benefits, lack of something, be it the attention of the opposite sex, talents or beautiful appearance. Even a saint will be imbued with hidden aggression towards a person who enjoys everything that the former can only dream of. As psychologist Melanie Klein wrote: “An envious person feels bad at the sight of pleasure.”
IN Catholic Christianity The source of envy is pride. Only the arrogant cannot bear that someone is superior to them and lives in prosperity. Another reason for insidious feelings, according to the church, is laziness. Instead of striving for his goals, a person is idle, envies the successful, and slander against them compensates him for his own unfulfillment and unfulfilled dreams.

Ways to get rid of envy

If annoyance over the well-being of others has already settled in your soul, you need to stop its development. To do this, you should stop doing the following things:

Drive envy deep into yourself. From this, it will further undermine the psyche, recharge itself with energy and burst out at the most unexpected moment. To prevent this from happening, admit to yourself that you are experiencing this feeling. Write down in your diary who exactly you feel envious of and why. Therapeutic writing is known to be effective in clearing negative experiences from the mind. You can go even further and jokingly confess your feelings to the person you envy. This will significantly reduce the degree of tension between you.
Condemn yourself for feeling jealous. Accept your envy as a natural phenomenon characteristic of most people. If this is not done, then it will transform into a feeling of guilt, which will require punishment. Even Christianity teaches us to condemn not the person, but the addiction itself. So separate yourself from envy (it’s not me who’s bad, it’s the feeling) and instead of judging, help yourself get rid of this feeling.
Feed your envy. Many people mistakenly try to eliminate it by convincing themselves that the object of envy has many other problems or is losing to them in other areas. Discrediting an opponent gives only temporary peace, but there is zero benefit from this, because the focus here is still on comparing oneself with others. Any new luck your neighbor will again unsettle you.
Believe in the shine of social networks. Instagram, Facebook, Vkontakte and Odnoklassniki are full of photographs of luxurious bouquets, resorts, ideal bodies and relationships, causing attacks of envy among many people. As evidenced by angry comments on the pages of public figures. However, envious people completely forget about the wonders of Photoshop, which can turn a monster into a beauty. Consider also this: in 2017, a young girl demonstrating happy life on Instagram, committed suicide. Huge problems can be hidden behind a beautiful façade. So is it worth envying tight smiles?

After eliminating the pathogens of vice, you should fill your life with something positive. Here's what you can and should do when your own demon of envy spoils your mood:

Give thanks to life, God or the universe. Here again, prescribing will help. Make a list of one hundred things, events or facts in your biography that truly make you happy. Thank the world with all your heart for these gifts and you will feel rich and happy. In addition, it will attract even more benefits into your life.
Shift the focus to yourself. Start comparing yourself today with yourself yesterday. Track changes in yourself over a month, a year. For them to be for the better, constantly develop and set beautiful goals for yourself, broken down into feasible tasks.
Help others. Remember that the world is full of disadvantaged people and suffering animals. In your free time, visit a boarding school or nursing home, collect things for charity, donate money to noble causes. Having provided all possible support to those in need, you will immediately feel much stronger, more influential and happier.
Follow in the footsteps of the successful. Watch the people you envy and you will understand how they achieve what they want. For example, a girl who is successful with men always smiles dazzlingly. Get into this habit. A friend who started a successful business from scratch whiled away his evenings reading business books. Maybe you can do something similar?
Use the energy of envy for growth. Very often, a negative feeling pushes people to reach a higher level of life. Let's say you came to visit and saw a magnificent setting: panoramic glazing, ceramic parquet and suspended ceilings. Remembering the desolation that awaits you at home, you will first begin to envy, and then make plans to improve your own living conditions. The result is a luxurious renovation of the apartment, made thanks to the energy of envy.

In its pure nature, envy is not a harmful emotion. It is only your guide to what your soul should strive for. Therefore, if you envy someone about something, it means that you want it. Through another person the world shows you this. Your task is to realize this signal and make what you want your goal, and then begin to strive for it.

How to stop being jealous (video)

The video will help you understand what envy is and how to deal with it.

What to do if you are envied?

There is an opinion that if people envy you, then you are one step ahead of others. Some even deliberately evoke this feeling in people by boasting about their successes or acquisitions. But few people know that envious people deal an energetic blow to a person’s aura. If the latter does not have good protection, then the functioning and interaction of his chakras is blocked. Problems arise in the life of the target of hidden aggression.

Neutralizing other people's envy is very important. The following techniques will help you do this:

Compliments. Try to find virtues in your enemies and strengths, and praise them generously and sincerely. As a rule, a harmful feeling arises from a feeling of inferiority against the background of the winner. By giving sincere compliments to envious people, you will elevate them in your own eyes, remind them that they are no worse and redirect attention from yourself to them. The point is that the person being praised tries to become even better, instantly switching to his own person.
Modesty and tact. Both of these qualities will help reduce the power of the negative psychological impact on you. Don't brag, criticize, or make fun of other people's shortcomings. You must make it clear to your envious people that you consider yourself equal to them. Let you sew a fashionable dress yourself, organize wonderful holiday child or received a gorgeous gift from your husband, keep quiet about it and turn the euphoria from success into personal strength. On a subconscious level, all people know everything about each other. They may also accidentally hear about your achievements from third parties, and if you did not boast about it, then instead of envy you will receive sympathy, interest and respect for yourself.
Communication and friendship. If in a group a person keeps to himself, then those around him get the impression that he considers himself better than others, and, therefore, shows off. Automatically, on a subconscious level, they begin to see virtues in him that they would like to adopt, and begin to envy them. Here the individualist has only one thing left - to find common interests, common ground, organize a dialogue with your potential offenders. You can invite the team to dinner at your home, ask for advice from a professional in a certain field, or simply participate in a casual conversation to show: “I’m just like you,” “I’m with you.” It is important to do all this sincerely, enjoying communication with people.
Additionally, it will help protect against human envy. cleansing your biofield. Advice from bioenergetics specialists: stand in the shower every evening, imagining how the negativity is washed away from the aura and goes away with the water. The effect will increase many times over if you first rub the body with salt, because this substance absorbs bad energy.

Envy always harms both parties: both the envier and the object of vicious feelings. The first suffers from a feeling of his own imperfection, a desire to harm his neighbor and a feeling of guilt for this. The second is consumed by anxiety in front of yesterday’s hostile friends. Fortunately, there are many ways to deal with negative emotion both in yourself and in others.

Envy is a rejection of the success of another person, about how a psychologist can help in the fight against envy -.

What kind of envy is there?

“Black” envy occurs when a person hates another for his achievements, longs for him to be defeated and lose his regalia.

“White” envy involves the idealization of the object of success, the desire to have the same achievements. A person has no desire to destroy the life of his more successful opponent.

Where does envy come from?

Envy begins in childhood, when a child is praised only in exceptional cases. Parents make it clear that love must be earned. The child feels deprived; he subconsciously develops a “greed” for other people’s happiness, success, and awards. It seems to the person that all this should have belonged to him. The successes of another person are perceived extremely painfully; it seems that they are not deserved. Low self-esteem, unfulfilled talents and ambitions fuel hatred towards more successful people.

Moreover, the objects of hatred can be both close people and famous, unattainable persons.

How does envy manifest itself?

Experiences of envy are too painful for a person, so in order to somehow ease the tension, the psyche uses certain defense mechanisms.

1. Devaluation of other people's achievements

Often the object of envy and idealization is the same person. And in order to “bring it down to earth,” a person begins to rationally explain to himself that success is just a happy coincidence, the help of influential people, a lot of money, and so on. Devaluation is accompanied by aggression not only towards the object of idealization. At the same time, a person feels anger at himself, as well as a feeling of guilt.

2. Devaluing yourself

Often people with low self-esteem focus on their own failures without noticing their achievements. In this context, someone else's success is viewed as a personal failure. In this case, the object of success is also idealized, only this is combined with self-deprecation.

How to deal with envy?

Work on increasing your self-esteem.
Learn to respect yourself for your achievements.
Realize that each person is somehow better, more beautiful, richer or more talented than another. It is worth paying attention to your individuality.
Envy, like any powerful feeling, conceals a large supply of psychic energy. An envious person becomes emotionally exhausted. You can grieve all your life that someone plays the violin brilliantly and attends international competitions, but perhaps he does not know how to cook such delicious borscht, or does not know how to paint such pictures.

Success, as a rule, lies in painstaking, long-term work. You should always remember this the next time you want to devalue someone or envy someone else’s achievements.

Where does envy come from and what ways can you fight it?

Envy has existed on earth since the beginning of time. Everyone has encountered this unpleasant feeling at least once in their life. All world religions talk about this vice and the fight against it; psychologists actively help fight envy. But it seems simply ineradicable. This vice has especially become the leading one among others with the advent of the Internet in our lives. We visit pages successful people, classmates and friends whose lives, it seems to us, turned out much more successfully than our own. And we would be happy for others, but no, a worm of envy settles in our souls and begins to eat away at us. It’s good when a person can switch to something, continue to live his life and enjoy what this life gives him. But more often something else happens - envy begins to eat a person from the inside, dissatisfaction with one’s life grows, everything becomes disliked, everything irritates, and in the person’s soul there is simply agony: “Why does my friend have a better life than me? Why am I worse?

This emotion, this feeling has a destructive effect on life, so you need to eradicate it in yourself as soon as you feel that you cannot be sincerely happy for someone.

Where does envy come from?

If we take from religious point sight, then envy is one of the great sins that makes a person unhappy. It is imposed on us evil spirits, oppressing our soul. Following envy comes pride, arrogance, anger, anger, discontent, grumbling, and painful selfishness. Life turns into a nightmare.

You can get rid of this vice only through sincere prayer, meditation and the understanding that everyone is equal before the Lord and he has something special in store for each of us.

Psychologists take a slightly different point of view and say that envy originates from our childhood, and, worst of all, it is imposed by our parents. How does this happen? Probably, each of us has heard the phrases from our parents: “But your friend/classmate studies better than you,” “Why don’t you play sports like your friend?”, “You see, your friend can draw, but you can’t,” and etc. Sound familiar? Of course, this is fundamentally wrong upbringing. A person grows up envious, complex and angry at the whole world. Is this what life is given to us for? The answer is obvious.

So what should we do with envy if it has settled in our soul?

Before you start fighting envy, you need to remember that there is no white, gray or black envy. Envy is a priori a negative vice, an emotion, a feeling that must be immediately eradicated in oneself so as not to poison life. We often hear the phrase: “I envy you with white envy that you have such good job" No! This can't be true. For a man, his successful career, work, love, one can only rejoice. Manipulations with the phrases “white envy” are just self-deception. Either joy for another or envy. There can be no shades here.

How to start being happy for others?

First, you must understand that you envy exactly what you see. For example, happy marriage girlfriends. You see joint photos of her and her husband, where they glow with happiness. In conversations with you, she praises her husband and talks about the love that burns between them. But it's not that simple. Every medal has two sides. This couple is not always in total happiness and absolute harmony. They just don't show off the hard times. family life. There is no such thing as endless happiness; you have to fight for it. Career growth girlfriend or boyfriend is very thorny and difficult. While she achieved a high position, a good salary, she had to go through not the best moments of her life. And so it is in everything. There is no happiness or success that you don’t have to fight for.

What should you do to get rid of envy?

As stated above - realize that you are only seeing the tip of the iceberg of someone else's success or happiness. For example, famous actresses they are forced to exhaust themselves with diets, they do not get enough sleep, they do not have the right to privacy, because they always risk getting caught by paparazzi cameras. Would you agree to such sacrifices? Compared to them, you free man for whom life is easier. It is popular stars who are regular clients of psychotherapists, because the laurels of their success are often difficult for them.

Envy can be transformed into motivation. Does your friend have a better figure? So why be jealous, buy a gym membership and go ahead to get a beautiful figure. Has your neighbor achieved high results in her profession? And who is stopping you from changing your unloved job and starting your life over? All problems (scientifically proven) are in our heads. There is no need to be afraid to start something that you have not done before. Man is an eternal child, he is always learning something. We were born and did not know how to walk. But in childhood, in that unconscious state, our sense of fear is dulled, so we take our first steps without fear, repeat words, which we then put into sentences, we learned to read and write. We came into this world absolutely defenseless; we once did everything for the first time. And so all our lives, we should not be afraid to take the first steps where we know nothing. There was a time when everything was for the first time. Our happiness depends only on us. No one will ring the doorbell and immediately give you the chair of the director of a successful company. You need to fight for it until you sweat. If you need it, of course.

Be grateful. The Universe loves it when we are grateful for everything it gives us. Yes, we are all different. Some people have better health, some are more beautiful, some have more talents. But this is not a reason to give up on yourself. Evaluate your life objectively. You have your own home, a job, a husband, healthy children, you have something to eat and drink. A trifle, tell me? Not at all. Look around you, how many people live below the poverty line, how many sick children there are around. And if you look at other continents. How do African children live? They don't even have water, they die from basic infections, they sleep under open air. But they, like every person on earth, are given life once. And they also want to live it happily. So, be grateful to the universe for everything you have, but don’t forget to move forward, conquering new heights.

Do charity work. It is not necessary to invest your entire budget to help someone in need; no one demands this. But giving something to someone who needs it awakens a feeling of happiness in our soul. In the fight against envy, many psychologists advise visiting orphanages. Spending time with children whom life has deprived of parental warmth, you will completely forget that your friend’s apartment has better repairs or a higher salary. Communication with those whose fate is more difficult than ours awakens light in our soul.

Treat yourself. Yes, yes! You heard right. Sometimes you need to pamper and delight yourself. Buy yourself what you have long wanted, do what you were afraid to do before. And after making some purchase, or maybe starting to go to the gym, don’t forget to praise yourself for your success. Master the art of small steps. When you move slowly towards your cherished goal, towards personal happiness. After all, happiness is not an end result, it is a journey.

This is how you can easily and naturally get rid of envy. Learn to turn negative into positive, obstacle into opportunity. And remember - everything is for the better.

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Envy makes you feel bad. First, you experience a rush of blood to the brain, it literally “boils” with anger that someone got what you don’t have, you experience hatred, aggression, wish the other person harm, and only then you feel devastation, loss of strength, and disappointment. All this can be avoided by knowing how to deal with envy.

We are working on ourselves First of all, having felt the beginning of the emergence of this harmful, you need to learn how to transform it into positive inclinations. Dealing with envy is a way to extract something productive from this phenomenon.

So, your friend bought a car and for some reason you are thinking about it while hooking up on the subway at rush hour. You begin to “wind up” yourself: they say that you are always less lucky in life than others, but this “spinner” gets everything into her own hands. Here you need to tell yourself “stop”: you just called a “twirlwind” a person who is your friend, with whom you have many common memories. Ask yourself, do you need a car? Maybe you don’t have a license and don’t know how to drive? And if you need a car, then why not take the path to achieving it?

This is the only way to defeat envy when it has already arisen. Either make the object of envy insignificant (“I don’t even need a car”), or direct your efforts towards achieving the object of envy (“It’s high time to find another job that will allow me to save up for a car”).

Exercises to improve self-esteem

There are also ways to eradicate envy as a phenomenon, but for this you need to work hard on yourself. At the same time, keep in mind that it is impossible to get rid of this feeling 100%, since envy is part of our human nature.

“I am who I am!”;
“I am unique, and I love myself this way!”;
“This is my life, I don’t want to compare it with anyone else!”

Think more often about what you have. You won't be annoyed by your friend's promotion if you enjoy your free schedule.

Think about those who don't have what you have. If you remember a friend who rents an apartment, you will not be angry with the one who bought a three-room apartment, because you have your own personal 20 m², which your first friend does not have.

When people envy you

At first glance, we take pleasure in the fact that we are the object of envy. If people envy you, it means you have achieved something that others cannot achieve. But we think about how to deal with the envy of others only when this negative aura around begins to really act destructively on our lives.

In order for them not to wish you harm, it will be enough to brag less about your achievements and share your joy only with trusted, less envious loved ones. Do not share your successes with those who in return wish you misfortune, otherwise it will really knock on your door, because thoughts are material.

We are working on ourselves
First of all, having felt the beginning of the emergence of this harmful feeling, you need to learn to transform it into positive inclinations. Dealing with envy is a way to extract something productive from this phenomenon.

Exercises to improve self-esteem
There are also ways to eradicate envy as a phenomenon, but for this you need to work hard on yourself. At the same time, keep in mind that it is impossible to get rid of this feeling 100%, since envy is part of our human nature.

Repeat affirmations like this:
“I am who I am!”;
“I am unique, and I love myself this way!”;
“This is my life, I don’t want to compare it with anyone else!”

Think more often about what you have. You won't be annoyed by your friend's promotion if you enjoy your free schedule.
Think about those who don't have what you have. If you remember a friend who rents an apartment, you will not be angry with the one who bought a three-room apartment, because you have your own personal 20 m², which your first friend does not have.

When people envy you
At first glance, we take pleasure in the fact that we are the object of envy. If people envy you, it means you have achieved something that others cannot achieve. But we think about how to deal with the envy of others only when this negative aura around begins to really act destructively on our lives.