Capricorn funny horoscope. Greed to the point of absurdity

Capricorn is able to achieve success in any business related to a career. True, the reason for this is not outstanding abilities or a subtle understanding of the essence of their profession. No, Capricorn only relies on the meticulous following of all possible instructions and rules. For this, he is not so loved (who would love such a pedantic employee?), but respected.

Another reason that interferes with love: positive features Capricorn can only be pulled out with tongs, while the negative flies out of it like a devil out of a box.

Capricorn, for example, can casually deal with the best idea of ​​​​a person. At the same time, what happened will cause him no more emotions than the crash of the Titanic caused feelings in an iceberg. But do not let him see the TV during the showing of "The Gray Goat", otherwise you will have to urgently comfort Capricorn.

Capricorn loves noisy companies. About the same as a tree loves a chainsaw.

The value and meaning of Capricorn's life are given by pleasant little things: to arrange tyranny at work, to carry out repression at home. The smaller the subject of nitpicking, the more pleasure Capricorn will get from it.

Capricorn has a peculiar attitude to humor: he does not understand it, which means that there is something to complain about.

Capricorns do not consider themselves worthy of somehow dressing up for a date. In their opinion, the very fact of the appearance of Capricorn in a darned jacket is enough.

Capricorns are extremely selective in matters of marriage. To get their attention, you need to have a number of advantages. Perhaps, only a rich woman with a calm disposition, who is absolutely not prone to whims and excessive (according to Capricorns) spending, has some chances. Oh yes, at the same time, she should definitely ensure the cleanliness of the house. It is also desirable to be older than Capricorn.

As for Capricorn women, they are characterized by coldness to the point of impossibility. Imagining a Capricorn lady in the kitchen is as natural as seeing a hippo crocheting. However, sometimes she can do cooking - after all, this can be the most effective way harm her husband's health. Such a lady will prefer an attractive romance career. The same criteria apply when choosing a husband: the degree of financial and social success must be at a very high level.

Usually cold in bed, Capricorns take a long time to warm up. As a rule, this happens after 65 (for women) and about 75 (for men) years.

Capricorn is amazingly resilient. His strength, with an outward appearance of weakness, is enough not only not to defeat his illness, but also to prosperous life after the death of a spouse (or even a whole series of spouses). At the same time, he will subtly mock the whole family, finding special pleasure in this.

You can defeat Capricorn only with the help of physical strength or strong psychological impact. But it is worthwhile to understand that the intellectual impulses of Capricorn are not enough for such an action as forgiveness. The combination of these factors allows Capricorns to break into the bosses.

As for everyday life, Capricorn's luck in these matters is an extremely rare occurrence, comparable in frequency to summer snow at the equator.

The emotional relationship of Capricorn with Taurus, Virgo and especially with Scorpio is well developed. But with Gemini and Cancers it is better not to get close.

I think that no one wondered under what sign the most lucky people. And in vain, because astrologers claim that a large percentage of them were born under the influence of Capricorn. Let's take their word for it and take a closer look at the Capricorns that live among us.

The symbol of the Capricorn sign is something mythical: the head of a goat and a fish tail. Why this is called Capricorn is known only to God, unless, of course, he cares about this. Mythology claims that he represents the higher mind and is equated with mythical deities who came out of the sea to teach mankind the art of civilization, and then go back to the sea. (Well, it's more like a dolphin, but let's leave it on the conscience of mythologists).

The goat, which is partially present in the symbol, represents courage, abundance life force and creative energy, and since it lives on heights, it also symbolizes superiority. By the way, the skin of the goat Amalthea, who was honored to become the Chapel (a star in the constellation Auriga), became the shield of Zeus, her horn - the Horn of Plenty. And what is it hinted at that, they say, the goat is almost a relative of the devil himself (in the rites of initiation into secret societies, both good and bad, the symbol of the goat was used, although it is best known as a symbol of Satanists), so in Capricorn from only the upper part of the goat, the rest is the torso of the snake and the tail of the fish. Here is such a smart Capricorn. Let us also remember that the goat is a scapegoat, and also, along with the lamb (Aries), is a sacrificial animal. The picture seems clear to me. If we consider that Capricorn is a sign of purpose, and everything begins with Aries, it turns out that they started with the victim, and ended with the victim. Is it worth it now to envy the "lucky" Capricorn?

Capricorns, in general, are a strange people, they even live the opposite way, they are born old, and get younger over the years. At an early age, they seem too serious and mature for their age. But over the years they lose their "correctness" and become capable of actions that cannot be called healthy. Of course, they are far from Aquarius, but it’s not without reason that they precede the sign of the most extravagant people of the Zodiac.

In childhood, Capricorns are the weakest and most painful of children, but with age they gradually gain strength. The calm, measured nature of Capricorn has such a life potential that makes them long-livers, living up to a hundred or more years.

Capricorn is surrounded by an aura of sadness and seriousness - Saturn, his lord, does not allow to relax and requires his ward to obey a strict order, moreover, he appointed him a guardian of the law, hence the well-known Capricorn gloominess and inflexibility. Capricorn looks accordingly: strictly and incorruptibly, he always speaks smoothly, outwardly calmly. There is some kind of magic in him that makes people treat him with due respect, all of a sudden it really is a lump ... Capricorn sometimes seems softer than a downy feather bed, in fact it is hard as a rock.

The main traits of Capricorn - determination, perseverance and perseverance - help him fulfill his ambitions and reach the heights. The basis of his life is service, career, awards, titles, regalia, ranks, power. People born under the sign of Capricorn are tough analysts. They set a goal for themselves, to which they go, using their tactical abilities: dexterity, deceit, opportunism. Capricorns stubbornly go to the intended goal, sweeping away everything in their path, act in relation to the people around them like a collapse, not paying attention to insults and disappointments. They overcome all obstacles and move up the social ladder all their lives. People of the Capricorn sign are insidious people, but this quality is difficult to guess in them. For the sake of implementing their plans, they can use inhuman means. In this, Capricorn is like a spider: he is not able to keep up with the flies, but they all fall into his deftly woven web.

The goals of Capricorn are usually sky-high, but quite real, Capricorn is not an idle dreamer, any goal is soberly considered and rationally planned by them. He is characterized by cold prudence. For the sake of his goal, he is able to sacrifice himself, and he does not disdain others. "The end justifies the means" is the motto of Capricorns. Moving forward, Capricorn does not look around and does not count the stars. His gaze is directed forward, and his feet are firmly planted on the ground. Earthly and heavenly passions - pity, malice, love, jealousy, extravagance, laziness - do not bother him, let others waste themselves in vain. And usually he always gets to the top. His star gave him the ability to overcome all obstacles in his path. From the side it may sometimes seem that Capricorn is moving to the heights of success too slowly. Most often it is so, but sooner or later it reaches its peak. The rise may take several generations, but it is present! As in Aesop's fable: the sluggish tortoise stubbornly, without turning anywhere, crawling towards the goal, overtakes the swift-footed hare and comes to the finish line first.

Among Capricorns, there are many self-taught and nuggets who have achieved fame with heavy, hard work. Capricorn gets everything by the sweat of his brow, at the cost of labor, pain and loss. Nothing scares Capricorns more than the fear of falling; this fear makes them mobilize more and more forces. Their tenacity is stunning, as is their resilience. All of them are very hardy, both men and women. In addition, they know how to concentrate unusually, they are immersed in their task with full dedication, and are very reasonable when it comes to something important. Forces are not dissipated, but they are not saved either, and the goal is always in front of your eyes. They reach one peak after another, and nothing can stop them in this vertical race. For the sake of his goal, Capricorn is able to give up a lot, is forced to adapt to the vicissitudes of life. But the price of success can be loneliness, because no one can adapt to his step. But loneliness doesn't stop him.

As a leader, he knows how to use the existing state of affairs, he takes into account only the main thing, he never deals with minor issues. Over the years, he acquires great wisdom and the ability to appreciate and use the fantasy of his subordinates.

If this is the performer, then usually the responsible one. Capricorn achieves everything with his own diligence, as a worker he is solid, reliable, with a great sense of responsibility. This is one of the most efficient and hardworking characters. Capricorn is a realist, a good organizer. To feel "in place", he needs to constantly work. For him, success is not success if it is not obtained by hard work. He does not shy away from difficulties, but at the right moment he can stop, assess the situation, shrink into a ball and wait. Even cheat. Capricorn is well aware that the higher he climbed, the more painful it will be to hit the ground when falling, but how can this stop him! He is a maximalist in everything. "To steal the queen like that ..." If the goal has worked out, Capricorn is even ready to change it. He does not calculate and does not know despair, because possible defeats are included in the account in advance.

Capricorn's happiness lies in hard work. He is the main materialist of the Zodiac and must be sure that with each subsequent step his path along the ascending path to the intended goal is safer. Each birthday should bring him closer to the pinnacle of success, otherwise Capricorn will become gloomy and withdrawn. Capricorns can be tedious in their claims, but they set an example with their work, are always ready to learn, calmly endure criticism, evaluate everything and learn from everything. True, to many they seem to be literalists, zealots of principles, but they have few principles that would be worth following.

Capricorn takes everything extremely seriously. People who carry the energy of Capricorn in themselves are never late and never fail, and if they promise something, they will definitely fulfill it. His relationship with the world fluctuates between defense and attack. Only by providing himself with protection, Capricorn moves forward. For his successful self-realization, Capricorn must have a goal to which he is moving, property that needs to be taken care of, a duty that needs to be fulfilled. Often, even very young Capricorns amaze others with their strict and measured lifestyle, subject to internal discipline and a sense of duty. In low positions and positions, he is hardworking, but invisible, which does not mean that he should not be praised. Secretly, he yearns for people's approval. However, the praise he expects is special: you must calmly show that you appreciate him and, most importantly, confirm his innocence on those issues that he considers important. And he will simply ignore your emotions, considering them inappropriate.

The most important phase life, the phase of fulfillment of desires, comes for him after fifty. Young years difficult and full of struggle. He appreciates and cherishes what he has acquired, and may even become greedy. These are people of habit. If Capricorn gets used to any dress, place, environment, then it is impossible to tear him away from them, just as it is impossible to change his mind, he is conservative in all his views, and is very difficult to influence. It is extremely difficult to convince Capricorn, as well as to win an argument. Do not criticize this obstinacy in him and do not try to fight it - it is his strength. In addition, it should be remembered that Capricorns have a very high opinion of themselves and their capabilities, including intellectual ones. Often they exaggerate their own value, but this has to be put up with, since not a single mortal has yet been able to prove the opposite to Capricorn.

In communication, Capricorn is somewhat aloof. Because of his over-caution, he consciously or unconsciously creates a barrier between himself and others. Even when he is forced to make close contact, he retains a place within himself where even the most close friend. Most often, Capricorn does not an eyesore to anyone, he is calm and hardly noticeable, more often he watches what is happening from afar than he is drawn into a conversation, and even more so into an argument. Capricorn knows how to fit into any environment, sometimes becoming completely invisible. This is a loner. If you naively try to pull Capricorn out of the niche that he has chosen for himself, then most likely you will come across polite coldness, detachment, gloominess and a suspicious look, unless, of course, you are a person of interest to him or a person above him in rank. His amusement is somewhat dark and seems insincere. Laughter is as unaccustomed to him as the tears he used to hold back. In addition, he is completely devoid of a sense of humor and stiffly unapproachable. It would seem, why does he appear in public at all? Firstly, he always fulfills his obligations to society, which means that if he has to be somewhere by the nature of his service, he will be sure; secondly, he is always present where he can advance in the path of his secret ambitions. You will meet him at a reception where the most famous and rich people are present, sometimes he can be seen among the less famous and not so rich, but he will never be in the circle of those who are below him in material and social status. Capricorns are not found in such places. Capricorn attaches great importance external dignity and very cautious in relationships.

But the higher he climbs the social ladder, the more deeply he feels his loneliness. Capricorns are characterized by a feeling of loneliness, from which they cannot get out without outside help. It is difficult and difficult for him to show a feeling of sympathy and antipathy, therefore it is very difficult for him with other people. He is closed to himself. He listens to himself, educates himself, warms himself up. Aries can be adjusted. Capricorn - no. But unlike stubborn Aries, Capricorn is much wiser - he will not trample on the rampage. And in a difficult moment, he will go to the forest, just take a walk along the street. Among the people of the sign of Capricorn there are many pessimists, extremely secretive people who never let anyone near them. They are rather dry, not prone to self-irony, not scattered and not too involved in anything. But, nevertheless, a sense of sympathy and antipathy is strongly developed in him. If this is sympathy, then for a long time. Antipathy, too, for a long time. Capricorn knows how to hate a lot, but he also knows how to adapt.

Capricorn respects authority and honors tradition, which is why people often label him stiffness and snobbery. Such accusations do not leave Capricorn indifferent, but, being wise, he prefers not to get involved with offenders and not make unnecessary enemies for himself. Often, Capricorn gives in and forgives, but this is just a well-thought-out tactic aimed at achieving the goal. It's hard for him to say "no" directly. With a refusal, he is in no hurry (as well as with consent), hoping to release the unpleasant situation "on the brakes"; if reality does not recede, he seeks a compromise. Somewhere inside it lives ideals, and you can try to appeal to them. Capricorn will happily agree that he has them, but the result will be the same. He himself is insightful, notices other people's shortcomings and, if he talks about them, he often speaks insultingly. Capricorns rarely interfere in other people's affairs and do not gossip. Never give advice unless asked for it. If (at your request) advice is given, but you do not follow it, Capricorn will not remind you of this, but will only complain in your soul about your short-sightedness and frivolity.

He becomes distrustful when they make fun of him, he does not understand jokes, so he tries to get out of such a circle as soon as possible. Being extremely sensitive, he is often offended by the acts committed by others by chance. Capricorns tend to "have a grudge" against anyone. Indignation lasting for a long time can cause neurotic phenomena.

One of the problems of Capricorn is a tendency to depression. These people are essentially melancholic: it is difficult to unbalance them, but it is even more difficult to get them back there if someone managed to knock Capricorn out of the saddle. Depression has haunted Capricorn since childhood. The reason for his decadent moods is, first of all, his universal loneliness. He does not trust anyone, relies only on his own strength, in fact he does not allow himself to enjoy life. He has his own life, his own world, his own system, where he does not let anyone in. This is a typical "man in a case".

People unfamiliar with Capricorn, who have not comprehended the high qualities of his character, hidden behind a shell of gloomy despondency, can turn away from him, intensifying the torment of Capricorn. Indeed, by and large, if the ice of distrust is melted, Capricorn is able to become a faithful and devoted friend. Capricorn needs a dedicated person next to him, who would repeat to him: "Keep your head up, life is not as bad as you think." Capricorns struggle with depression and negativism all their lives. But they don't let other people see it.

By nature, Capricorn is a pessimist, rarely makes mistakes and does not like to predict the future aloud, although he sees it, perhaps better than others. However, he lacks imagination. If Capricorn is wrong, he tries to use his mistake and, turning onto the wrong side path, does not return strictly back, but tries to find a smooth turn to the main road; The experience gained will always come in handy.

The symbol of Capricorn of the lower octave is the spider. Until he finds himself, he is quiet and timid, but in some corner he methodically weaves a web, and one day one or another more frivolous sign of the Zodiac will fall into it, and then the spider will suck all the blood out of him, quietly, boringly, methodically and ruthlessly. Capricorns are generally not particularly emotional. The lower the level spiritual development Capricorn, the more selfish, stingy, materialistic and heartless he is. It can be a cruel, eternally dissatisfied person, suspicious, but at the same time weak and cowardly, insidious and cunning misanthrope.

Sometimes among Capricorns there are overly romantic personalities who can dream in the moonlight and write lyrical poems. But upon closer examination, dreams turn into thoughts about work, and the poems are written in a clear handwriting and not without a secret intent. Very often they say about Capricorns that they get married and get married by calculation. This, of course, is an exaggeration, but indeed they never get married in a hurry, hastily, without thoroughly preparing for this event. But it is among people born under this sign of the Zodiac that there are many bachelors and old maids. Not because they are ugly, but because they are very picky. But, having finally chosen his half, Capricorn sacrifices everything for her and pulls his cross, despite how the relationship develops in the future. For the family, for the children. As a father or mother, Capricorns are harsh, although fair.

Going to an alliance with Capricorn, you should be patient. He slowly but very surely climbs the ladder of life. Show that you are able to provide him with a reliable rear, do not goad him in business: he knows very well what needs to be done. Do not undermine his reputation, Capricorn does not tolerate if someone doubts his nobility. He is unshakable in his judgments, so it is very difficult to convince him or argue with him - do not waste your time! Capricorn, as a rule, is completely devoted to his profession - do not be jealous of him for her. Communicating with Capricorn, it is not at all necessary to look for a topic for conversation - you can be friendly with him. Do not give food to his suspicion, try to be his ally. And it is not easy for you to find a more reliable and faithful partner.

Capricorn is career oriented, often to the detriment of personal life. He strives for success, as if as compensation for the longing and emptiness of his personal life. Capricorn feels a deep need for the love of people close to him, but always alienates them from himself by the fact that he hardly shows his own love. He is capable of very deep feelings, another thing is that they are not manifested, he does not know how to express them outwardly, although he is extremely eager for tenderness. However, he never mixes his feelings with work. Capricorn is a romantic, but not an idealist.

Capricorns, especially men, are able to live a long time and most of them live to a ripe old age, taking in their last years good posts. Young Capricorns are more likely to be satisfied with life than the elderly. This is due to the fact that in their youth, Capricorns tend to idealize their ancestors and honor their parents. Over time, the reckless antics of the younger generation puzzle and frighten conservative Capricorns. They shake their heads disapprovingly and remember the "old good times". Fortunately, many of them eventually adapt to the changed environment and even begin to find it in something funny. The same Capricorns who fail to do this turn into obnoxious bores that poison the existence of others. Capricorns are so arranged that they they endure bad times more easily than good times, and they remember hard times better.

At the beginning of life, Capricorns live in a cold climate, later they move to countries with a warm or even tropical climate.

Capricorns must overcome the tendency to decline in spirit and understand that nothing is permanent in this world, everything changes - sometimes even for the better. The stars will still bring Capricorn to his goal, and he should look at things easier and fight to the end.

If Capricorn has not realized himself, he (and everyone around him) is very bad, because. in this case, he constantly annoys, demands sympathy, and the world seems to him a meaningless chaotic set of obstacles, bitterness and disappointments.

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We are used to the standard characteristic of the Capricorn Zodiac Sign, but few people know that people born under the Capricorn constellation have 10 securely hidden personality traits.

For example, relatives and friends of Capricorns have learned that they cannot help but lie even on the smallest occasion, because people born under this Sign are real lie detectors. Or you can never speak badly about your mutual acquaintances. But this is just the tip of the iceberg, there are other facts.

Fact one: in fact, Capricorn stubbornness is greatly exaggerated. If you bring the representative of this Sign clear and irrefutable facts taken from a reliable authoritative source, then Capricorn may well change his mind and admit that he was wrong. Capricorn people are very fond of learning and perceive high-quality information quite adequately.

Fact two: Few people know that under the external unshakable calmness of Capricorn, there is a very vulnerable person. Capricorn can carry an offensive phrase thrown at him for years in the far corner of his soul or scroll in his thoughts one of the most difficult days in his life. It does not matter when the unpleasant incident occurred: a week or 20 years ago; pain and resentment will not let go of Capricorn for a very long time. At the same time, representatives of this star sign are not at all vindictive. Capricorn will not pay the offender with the same coin, because he considers it below his dignity.

Fact three: Capricorns are very fond of all sorts of experiments. Men born under this sign will constantly make changes in their lifestyle and diet, try new sports, and enthusiastically engage in redevelopment of the apartment. Capricorn women, for the most part, love hair dye dearly: their hair color changes almost every week. However, there are also those who are completely indifferent to their appearance, and experiment in some other area. For example, Capricorns who love to cook will constantly vary spices and add exotic ingredients to dishes.

It will not always turn out, but talking about it is not always a good idea: straightforward Aries, for example, will not be able to say softly about an unsuccessful experiment, and will easily offend vulnerable Capricorns.

Fact four: Capricorns have amazing intuition. Heeding the advice of Capricorns is always a good idea. As a rule, they have an extraordinary mind and a non-standard view of things. But in addition to these qualities, Capricorns are often close friends with the 6th sense, mystically predicting and predicting future events.

Fifth fact: Capricorns choose friends once and for life. Friendship with Capricorn is often difficult. Representatives of this sign are demanding of themselves and those who are close to them, and sometimes they show excessive care, trying to show their friendship or love. But if you are among the closest friends of Capricorn, then appreciate it: often very windy in love, in friendship, Capricorn people are unusually faithful, honest and always ready to help.

Fact six: Nearly 60% of Capricorns tend to suffer from skin conditions. Astrologers explain this fact negative side the influence of the patron planet of Capricorns - Saturn. Thanks to Saturn, Capricorns are usually purposeful and punchy people. But, while remaining vulnerable and touchy inside, Capricorns try not to show it, keeping everything in themselves and not showing it. It is this inability to openly show their feelings that often leads to psychological imbalance. On the physical body imbalance is manifested by various skin diseases.

To reduce or completely remove the negative state, there are special techniques for getting rid of negative thoughts.

Fact seven: Capricorns constantly overcome their laziness. Representatives of this Sign are always stubborn and pedantic in their work, often they do not know how to relax at all and forget about sleep and food, carried away by some business. But few people know that sometimes Capricorns can get bored with any, even the most beloved job and become disgusted with household chores, and only an innate sense of responsibility can make them overcome themselves and their laziness.

Fact eight: Capricorns are reckless in everything. For example, they will achieve any position and attention of any person, as soon as they hint that this is impossible. With insufficient self-discipline, people of this Sign may well lose every last penny in a casino.

Fact nine: Capricorns are able to understand any person. Some Zodiac Signs have a subtle sensitivity to people's emotions, but Capricorns more often than others are left with the rare gift of empathy. Being able to put themselves in the place of the interlocutor at any moment, Capricorns are sometimes able to penetrate into its essence in a minute and understand for themselves whether it is good or bad person stands in front of them.

Fact ten: Capricorns love challenges. Obstacles on the way to the goal often only fuel the excitement of Capricorns, and the difficulties in achieving the desired make the victory more significant and significant.

Now the mysterious and multifaceted Capricorns will become a little clearer to you, and the compatibility horoscope will tell you which Signs can most harmoniously exist next to them. We wish you to always understand each other and remember that each person is unique. Good luck and don't forget to press the buttons and